Body Language
by Dogmattic
Summary: The base is hot. Too hot. Respawn blows a gasket and the Engineer finds himself in a body that most certainly does not belong to him. Spy finds himself in a similar situation; chaos ensues.   Rated T for language, sexual situations, and lame title.
1. To Respawn

RED Engineer sighed, a weary, lung-deflating exhale of carbon dioxide, and drew a handkerchief out of his back pocket to dab at the sweat beading relentlessly on his forehead. You would think that after weeks-months, even-at this God-forsaken base, he'd be used to the heat. Not so. Even little ole Beecave hadn't been this hot, and that was goddamn TEXAS. The temperature simply soared here as if it would never reach a climax, but simply continue climbing until every living thing in no-man's-land just up and shriveled away. Well, at least he was in the shade. The Engineer put the kerchief away and took a swig of water from a small canteen before returning his thoughts to more pressing matters.

Today's battle wasn't going exceedingly well. After an entire morning of an unsuccessful offensive, the RED team had finally captured one of the BLU control points, allowing them to advance further into the war zone and get a stronger foothold to build up a better offense. Engie, practical-minded as ever, had immediately set up a dispenser near the newly-taken point, and was in the process of setting up a turret as his more gung-ho teammates charged onward. The stout Texan finished up the turret and leaned heavily on the thing before removing his goggles and wiping at the sweat that had begun to sting his eyes.

"Whoo-ee, this heat'll git us all before the dang BLUs even get a chance." He mused quietly, again dabbing at his face with the damp kerchief.

"Oui, only if I do not keel zem all first, Laborer." A plume of smoke hit the back of the Engineer's neck, sending an unpleasant chill down his spine.

Engie spun on his heel at the sudden sound, tripping over himself and his sentry before falling in an ungraceful heap on his backside. Despite his tumble, his pistol was out in a lick, aimed directly at the head of the Spy now chortling softly in front of him, looking down at the shorter man with a look of amused pity and condescension.

"Dag nabbit, Spah! How many times Ah gotta tell you to stop sneakin' up on me! You dern nearly got a bullet to the brain just now." The shorter man huffed and stood, dusting off his backside a bit and taking a step away from the Spy…only to trip once again on the leg of the sentry, and send himself reeling backward for a second time. "Dag-nabbit-daggit…" Engie simmered under the amused, snorting laughter of his teammate, his cheeks taking on a reddish tinge as he rose again. Of course, there was no telling whether it was from the heat, the impatient anger generated by said heat, or the embarrassment of the situation in general.

In an effort to save face, Engie occupied his hands by upgrading the sentry. It was still hot as hell, and every swing of his wrench seemed to take a heftier toll on the man, but he couldn't resist a proud, satisfied smile as he completed the upgrade and surveyed his handiwork. After a while he turned back to Spy, who was still standing there like a bump on a log, leaning languidly against the dispenser as if they weren't in the middle of a battle in goddamn hundred and twenty degree weather. The Texan gave the man a hard stare.

"Ain't you got somewhere to be, Spah? If'n ya haven't noticed, we're in the middle of a war." Engie gestured vaguely in the direction of the BLU base, hoping the Frenchman would take the hint and go. It wasn't that he disliked the man, per-say, he just didn't particularly _like_ him either. Spy was always making lewd, completely inappropriate comments and queries toward the Engineer, and it made him uncomfortable. This was mostly due to the fact that Engie was never able to tell whether he was serious with his flirting or…well, he just hoped that the other man wasn't serious.

"Oui, I 'ave plenty of places to be, but as you said, zis heat, it may just 'git' us all," He smiled. "So zis is simply a momentary reprieve from ze hellish weather." The Frenchman took a long drag from his cigarette, leaning even more lazily against the dispenser and giving the Engineer a look that playfully dared him to try and make him leave.

"Well, Spah, I can definitely see the logic there. But Ah still don't see why you feel the need to sneak up on a body like that, specially not someone on yer own dang team." Engie huffed and went back to work on the sentry, tightening a few bolts here and there to keep her in perfect working condition. Spy chuckled and sidled silently up to the other man, observing his work over his shoulder.

"Apologies, monsieur. It eez a force of habit," Engie jumped at the low voice that'd gotten even closer to him. "Perhaps you are simply too excitable, oui?" The Spy was breathing in his ear now, setting off a prickle under Engie's skin.

"Now, Spah, I ain't gonna tell ya again-"

"EXCUSE ME, BUT WE ARE FIGHTING A WAR! WHAT IN THE NAME OF UNCLE SAM ARE YOU TWO DOING STANDING AROUND LIKE TWO BIDDIES AT TEA TIME?" The RED Soldier stormed up to the two, fresh from respawn and red in the face.

"Ah, ze ever-overzealous Soldat. We were simply 'aving a chat." The Spy looked unfazed by the arrival of the Soldier, still arching his lean frame over the Engineer and smiling into his neck.

"A _CHAT? _CHATTING IS FOR CIVILIANS! AND COMMUNISTS! LET ME REMIND YOU AGAIN THAT WE. ARE. AT. WAR." He glared at the both of them from under his helmet, eyes narrowing at their close proximity. "I would expect this kind of lazy behavior from the Frenchie bastard, but you, Truckie?" Soldier gave the smaller man a hard stare, prompting an even deeper blush than before to spread across the Engineer's face. He stood up abruptly, pushing the Spy away and tightening a bolt that didn't really need it. The taller man simply smiled and cloaked, leaving the Engineer to deal with the angry American. Engie felt the a ghostly touch of fingertips against the nape of his neck, and heard a slight chuckle, before the Spy moved away completely. Creep.

"Sorry bout that, Solly. It's just so dern _hot_ out here. Spah stopped at the dispenser and I guess I got a little distracted." He rubbed the back of his neck absently, giving the slightly older man a sheepish grin. "Won't happen again." Solly marched up to the shorter man and puffed himself up to his full height, getting right into Engie's face.

"It better not, maggot, or we'll be calling in for a new Truckie and you'll be OUT ON YOUR ASS. DO I MAKE MY SELF CLEAR, PRIVATE COWBOY?"

Engie nodded, which, had he been anyone else, would have thrown Soldier into a tirade about addressing him as SIR, LOUDLY, AT ALL TIMES. But the RED Soldier and Engineer had long since broken the awkward state of acquaintanceship, and Solly let him slide with a few more things than anyone else could. Engie honestly thought it was only because Soldier was partial to his cooking. But who knows.

The Soldier gave him one last, hard stare, then nodded brusquely and charged off with the team's Pyro, who was on his way back from respawn to give the guy that killed him the what-for. Engie simply watched the two of them go, thinking nothing in particular. Until, of course, he felt a hand creeping slowly down his backside.

Spy got a wrench to the face, but came out laughing.

"Ah, mon petit ingénieur, you never fail to bring a smile to my face." Spy lurched backwards a bit, holding the swelling side of his face as the dispenser slowly released a healing agent into his body, taking the sting out of his wound. For a man with such a small stature, Engie was no pushover. A hit from his burly, toned arms was like taking a punch to the head from heavy. Still, Spy found the southerner's apprehension and hair-trigger to be…endearing, in a way.

"A _smile? _I 'bout took her head of-again! Dangit, Spah!" Engie fretted over his somewhat-friend/nuisance, gingerly touching the Spy's face with his hand to make sure he hadn't broken his jaw. Spy relished the feel of the cool glove against his cheek, and held it there with his own hand, letting out a little sigh. Engie balked at this, but didn't take his hand away. Wasn't as if it were harmful, anyhow. After a moment the Spy smirked a little and stood, sighing a bit at the loss of the cool hand on his face.

"Well, I zuppose I should really get back to my work, zen." He straightened his tie in a business-like manner, dropping his previous playfulness and looking for all the world like the professional killer that he really was. A slight smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, however, at the look on the Engineer's face. It was a mix of concern and annoyance, as if he were struggling with some inner conflict of the Spy's presence. Ah, the many faces of the Texan were refreshing. Unlike the Spy, who had but brief lapses in his cold exterior, the shorter man was an open book at all times. "Unless you will miss me? After all, I could not imagine you would 'ave nearly as much fun wiz me gone." He gave the other man a cheeky smile that was reserved specifically for the purpose of bothering the Engineer, and winked.

Engie snorted and turned his head. The momentary spell of the Spy's odd display was broken, and now he was just annoyed.

"Ah think Ah'll manage." He said gruffly, preparing to ignore any further comment by the man in the suit, which he was expecting. What he _wasn't_ expecting, was for a BLU Demoman to come barreling around the corner, screaming obscenities and laughing like a maniac as he launched off some sticky bombs at the sentry, completely annihilating the poor thing. Engie reacted quickly, drawing his shotgun so fast it'd make any Texan proud and taking aim at the charging Demo, but he couldn't get a shot in as he dodged the Scot's bombs.

Spy reacted also, immediately whipping out his formidable pistol and popping a bullet expertly into the Demoman's skull. Engie turned to smile at the man and thank him, but before he could there was an explosion to his left-the Demo had gotten two more bombs out before toppling-and he watched as the Spy exploded into pulpy red pieces in front of him, before he, too was sent crashing into the darkness.

-A-

Engie gasped. Taking a trip through respawn, no matter how often they did it, was never a pleasant experience, and it always left him with a bone-deep chill that can only come from being broken down to the molecular level, only to be reassembled again in a designated location.

This trip, however, had seemed far worse than any other time. It was hot, so very, very hot. Engie could barely breathe, his lungs seemed to struggle in vain to pump enough oxygen throughout his bloodstream, and of all the things, he felt a craving for nicotine. That in itself was made little sense, considering he hadn't even touched a cigarette since college. A muttering to his left caused the man to crack one eye open, which quickly became two very wide eyes as he tried to process the information in front of him.

The RED Engineer was staring at himself. Lying there in the respawn room, pressing a hand to his head, was _him._ The other him was muttering under his breath, and hadn't seemed to get his bearings yet, but it was definitely, unmistakably _himself_.

"What in tarnation-" Engie clapped a hand over his mouth comically mid-sentence, realizing that that was NOT his voice. Sure, it had the Texan twang, but it was most definitely not his. As his head reeled, the Texan hastily stood, and regretted it. Why on God's green earth was he so far off the ground? The height was dizzying in itself, but coupled with the effort it was taking to breathe, the threat of toppling to the ground was even greater. And why was he… Engie patted his pockets. Or where they would have been. He looked down at his hand. His gloved, very real, most certainly NOT mechanical hand. His petite, thinly veiled hand, with a distinct lack of working callouses. He tried to speak, but there were no words. This whole situation was starting to seem like some crazy dream where nothing made a lick of sense.

As the distraught Engineer tried to gain his bearings, the man on the floor finally gained his, and realized quite rapidly what had happened, if not exactly _how_ it'd happened. And he was taking it fairly well.

"Mon Dieu," came a strange, French-accented-yet-distinctly-Engineer voice, "Everyzing is so tall from down here!" Despite the situation, he guffawed.

Engie was not amused.


	2. To Bed

A/N: This chapter came out unusually gay, and I ain't happy with it. But I'm tired of looking at it, so here it is. As per usual, Team Fortress doesn't belong to me. Oh, but if it did...

* * *

><p>Before either class could comment further on the matter at hand, their RED Soldier made a reappearance, falling into existence as if out of thin air as respawn reconstructed him. The sheer rage seeping out of the man was tangible.<p>

"I THOUGHT WE HAD ADDRESSED THIS PROBLEM, MAGGOTS. GET OFF OF YOUR ASSES AND JOIN THE FIGHT!" Soldier bared his teeth at the duo, probably about ready to start beating them with that damn riding crop of his to get them going. Engie held up his hands in a pose of surrender, and tried to calm the man down.

"Now, Solly, just wait a darned minute-"

"DON'T YOU TALK DOWN AT ME, YOU YELLOW-BELLIED FROG. AND YOU WILL ADDRESS ME AS SIR! LOUDLY! AT ALL TIMES!" He held up his shotgun threateningly at the taller man, the sneer on his face turning into more of a rabid snarl.

"Solly, wha? It's me! Engie? Me and Spah, we-"

"PLAYING MIND GAMES NOW, WISE GUY? I'LL SHOW YOU A MIND GAME," He cocked his gun and took aim at the Frenchman's head. "HERE'S THE GAME: You get out there and do your job, I don't pop your head like a melon." His voice grew dangerously quiet towards the end of the sentence, a sight more terrifying than his yelling.

"Wait, er, Monsieur Soldat, 'e iz not ze Spy," Spy coughed and cleared his throat. His accent sounded very, very strange with the Engineer's voice, and simply speaking was enough to grate on the man's ears, but he would have to make due. Solly paused briefly and gave the two a disbelieving look, but lowered the gun.

"Why're you talking like that, Engie?" He turned his attention to the man on the floor, who grinned up at him in return.

"Well, zat is a good question. I question I cannot answer. But it seems as zough ze Engineer and I 'ave…swapped bodies." He shrugged, as if it were an everyday occurrence. Soldier gave them both a stiff, skeptical look.

"I ain't buying it." He raised the gun again and prepared to put the Spy (he was nearly convinced that it was not _their _Spy, anyways) out of his misery.

"Now, hold yer horses, Solly, just, hold yer horses. He ain't sellin' ya nothin'. It's _me_. Ah, dangit." Engie ran a hand over the top of his mask, trying to think of a way to make this situation sound plausible to the hot-blooded Soldier. "Er…remember when Ah had to give you advice on women? When ya really wanted ta go after that lady-Scout we had at base a few months back, but then she got transferred?" He paused for emphasis. " Ya came and cried on mah shoulder, Solly." The Engineer managed an honest, open look, and hoped to get through to the other man.

"THOSE WERE NOT TEARS, THEY WERE CONDENSED LIQUID PAIN LEAVING MY BODY. AND YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER RELAY THAT INFORMATION TO ANYONE, MAGGO-" Soldier stopped. He scrutinized the man, looking him up and down with narrowed eyes. "Truckie?"

Engie nodded back at the man before breaking into a grin.

Seconds later he lacked a head to grin with.

"YEAH, THOUGHT YOU COULD FOOL ME, YA DAMN COMMIE BLU!" Soldier snarled and laughed triumphantly. The Engie-Spy on the floor simply stared at the man as one would stare at an inbred dog with a brain tumor; his lack of cognitive ability was just plain sad.

Moments later, respawn picked up the headless Spy body and he was standing in front of them once again, clutching a hand to his chest and wheezing in oxygen.

"DAGNABBIT, SOLLY." The Engineer braced himself on a nearby counter, panting and attempting to get enough air. "Augh, Spah, how d'you," he took a deep breath, "how d'you even _breathe _in this damned suit? And that damned smoking habit of yers is gonna kill ya. Or kill me, one." The not-Spy wheezed a bit more, before finally catching his breath. He loosened his tie and thought about removing the balaclava, but it wasn't technically his to remove, so he refrained. Soldier, at this point, was sporting a confused, angry expression, but at least he wasn't aiming a gun at anyone. He opened his mouth to speak, then clamped it shut again, still peering at the two from beneath his helmet.

They were all saved by the siren sounding the end of the day's battle. Spy stood up, scowling a little at his stature, and looked himself over. After a brief check of his parts, he concluded that the little body was not so bad. He could breathe more easily, for one thing. And it could be worse. He could be the Demoman, or-God-forbid-that dirty bushman. He shuddered. Thankfully, the sound of respawn grinding to a halt for the day pulled him from his thoughts, saving the man from any severe trauma from his own mental images.

"Well zen," He said casually, "I zuppose we will 'ave find out how zis happened, oui?" As much as he hated to state the obvious, his two teammates seemed as if they needed to hear it. Engie nodded mutely, not trusting his newly-acquired voice box any more, and stepped past the Soldier, making his way out of the respawn room and towards the kitchen. The team needed to hear about this. Spy stood, watching the body-his body-walk away awkwardly, the thin limbs bumping and catching on various objects and doorways. Merde, but he had a nice ass. He grinned and followed the other man, leaving the dumbstruck Soldier to ponder alone.

* * *

><p>"So what you're sayin' is that Hardhat," the young man pointed at the man in the 3-piece suit, "is in Spy's body. And Spy," he paused again to point at the man who looked like Engie,"Is stuck in Hardhat's body?" Scout stopped for a moment and looked at the two, then burst into a fit of loud, obnoxious laughter.<p>

"It ain't funny, string bean! Ah ain't even got my Gunslinger anymore." Engie unconsciously stroked his arm, lamenting the loss of his familiar robotic parts.

"Pft, it's freakin' HILARIOUS!" The Scout glanced down at the Spy, standing quietly while the rest of the team thought about just what to do. "How ya feel, Spy-boy? Not so tough now that you're four feet tall, are ya?" The younger man guffawed loudly and clutched his sides, then shook his head and wiped away a tear of mirth.

Spy, already growing accustomed to his new body, sauntered up to the taller kid and smiled up sweetly at him, then punched him hard in the gut. The blow knocked Scout back onto his ass, and effectively stifled his laughter.

"Shit, man, ya didn't have to go and punch me, aghhh…" Well. His tears were no longer tears of mirth, that was for sure.

"Spah, dadgummit, don't go around punchin' people while yer wearin' mah face, it ain't right!"

"You would razzer I shoot him and wait for respawn to pick him up in ze morning?" The Frenchman raised an eyebrow at the taller man.

"Well, naw, but-"

"Stopp dieser! Both of you, just stop. Be quiet." Medic intervened in a voice that dared anyone in the room to argue. When no one did, the German sighed and ran a hand through his hair, looking blankly at the floor. "...I do not know vat is ze problem. It is so hot I cannot zink, and zis barn we live in iz not helping. Perhaps respawn simply overheated, ja? Zat would explain ze…" He glanced up at the Spy and Engineer, considering. "Side effects."

Engie thought about it for a minute, but couldn't seem to focus. All eyes in the room were trained on them, and he wanted a cigarette BAD. So he cut his losses and lit one up. After a deep inhale of the cancerous stick, his mind felt clear, more at ease. No wonder Spy was so hooked on these danged things; his body couldn't go ten minutes without one. Addiction was an ugly thing.

At least his mind was considerably less clouded now. He thought about Medic's theory. Yes, it was possible that respawn had suffered some fatal error in this blasted heat, but why had it only affected them? Soldier had gone through again after they did, and was completely fine. Well, as fine as Solly ever was, anyways. Maybe it was because they were killed together? Maybe something had gone wrong with the molecular stabilization system in the heat, and had mixed up their particles a bit? He pondered the possibilities.

"Well… honestly, I ain't got a clue as to whether that's right, Doc. But what we really need ta thank about here is how to git us back in our own skins." Engie's face twisted into an expression of discomfort as he looked around the room. "Ah just don't like bein…like this." He gestured to his body.

Spy could have taken offense, of course, were he paying attention. But he was much too fascinated with his own new body. He stared at his arms, shorter now, and how the muscles rippled beneath the skin from years of toil and labor. His hands were large and warm, and quite soft despite the callouses that riddled the skin where tools had rubbed them the wrong way. Oh, rubbing the wrong way, now _there _was an idea.

"Ahem," He spoke up at last, getting the silent group's attention save for Scout, who was still rolling about on the floor. "It is obvious zat we are not going to figure zis out tonight, so I propose we all retire and try our hand at ze problem tomorrow, oui?" Medic was about to protest, but Heavy put a calming hand on his shoulder and led the ragged-looking doctor away, nodding a silent thanks to the shorter man as they went. Everyone seemed to agree then, if hesitantly, and the group dispersed to their own private residences, leaving only the Engineer, Spy, and a still very winded Scout.

"So d'we… d'we just go to our own rooms, then?" Engie gave Spy a searching look, and Spy couldn't help but smile. Seeing his face shift into so many different expressions was a treat for the Spy, as he couldn't even dream of creating such genuine expressions in his own body. Regardless of the new accommodations of his person, the Engineer was still an open book, and each subtle shift of his face was visible beneath the balaclava.

"Oui, I would zink so. I will return to my room, and you to yours. Just be careful not to break anyzing wiz your limbs, mon ami maladroit." Spy smirked, a small, quirky thing that looked out of place on his new face, and sauntered away toward his own room. Engie looked on a bit enviously at how he carried his figure, slow and methodical and secure in a way that the Engineer could never pull off. As he started off for his own workshop/room, however, he couldn't resist at least attempting to mimic the strut. He tried to walk as Spy had walked, cool and self-aware. The end result was an awkward, half-swagger that he imagined looked simply ridiculous in this long body. Ah, well.

Upon entering his room, Engie noticed one slight problem with his sleeping arrangements; his bed was too small. Being a man of simple, practical tastes, the RED Engineer had only a single, twin-sized mattress, plenty large enough for him, but Spy… well that remained to be seen. He stripped down to Spy's dark red, cotton underwear, and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

Good Lord, but the man had a nice figure. He walked over to the thing and stared, in an act that was as new as this body. He'd only gotten the mirror for the occasional day off, and barely even noted the thing's existence. Now, though, his eyes were riveted on the figure staring back through the glass.

Spy was long and lanky, but with a solid frame of muscle supporting his limbs that took away from the gangly appearance and gave him a more structured, lethal look. He was hard in all the places Engie was soft, and his chest was only lightly dusted with fine, soft hairs. It almost felt like an invasion of privacy, staring covetously at his new body like this. But if they never found a way to reverse it, this would be his body from now on anyways. Might as well get to know it now. Slowly, carefully, the Engineer worked the balaclava off of his face, keeping his eyes firmly locked on their mirrored counterparts.

Oh, sweet baby Jesus.

If he had thought Spy was a looker _with _the mask on-and nobody was saying he did, but if he _had_-it was nothing compared to the face he looked into now. The man didn't have any right keepin' this covered up, it was just a crime. His face was sharply angled, with high cheek bones and a bit of five-o-clock shadow covering his jaw and neck-just enough to be appealing, but not so much as to call it a beard. He had neatly-plucked eyebrows, and a suave cut of dark brown hair, a bit flat due to the constriction of the mask. Engie felt a tug in his stomach, a tug he thought he'd dispatched many years ago, and forced himself to look away from the mirror.

With a sigh he slipped on one of his own shirts to sleep in, though it hung loosely around the Spy's smaller frame and was a bit too short. It wasn't enough to bother him, though, so he laid down and curled up a bit, trying to get comfortable with his feet dangling off the end of the bed.

It was gonna be a long night.

* * *

><p>In another corner of the fort, Spy was thoroughly enjoying his new body.<p>

He was quite certain that they'd be able to fix this mess somehow-his Engineer could fix anything, after all- so he was determined to get as much out of this as he possibly could before it was over. Upon entering his room he had locked the door, stripped nude, and stared at himself in a mirror in a manner similar to the Engineer's own exploits. But where the Texan's observations were things of relative innocence, Spy had much more devious activities in mind for this new form.

He let his hands travel all around himself, watching in the mirror as they grazed over his skin, touching and finding all of the body's sensitive spots. He was surprised to learn that the Engineer had a ticklish streak that ran up both sides of his torso, and continued down over his hip bones. Thick, light hair covered the majority of the Engineer's chest, but it suited him. He was hard, and yet soft, and despite his stature, the man was definitely Texan-sized where it counted. It made this body all the more appealing in the Spy's eyes.

His stomach had a bit of a pooch, but not in an unpleasant way. Rather, it was as if the majority of the Engineer's muscles had pooled into his arms and thighs, leaving the remaining areas of his body not so much _fat_ as a just a bit soft in comparison. The Spy relished the feel of the hands caressing his new body, even the cool material of the Gunslinger's glove felt nice against his sun-kissed skin.

Curiously he held up his hands in the mirror-one artificial, one natural_._ Although the interior of the Gunslinger was likely to be miles more interesting than the glove, Spy opted out of the idea of removing the protective covering. Just the outer layer of the artificial limb was enough for him, as he was no engineer, and the inner mechanics would most likely be lost on him anyways. Oh, but merde, these _hands._ He twisted and contorted them into various poses in the mirror, looking on in fascination as he did so. For as long as he could remember, the RED Spy had had this obsession with hands, and the Engineer's were _perfect_. One large, warm, rough and soft in all the right places… and another cold, hard metal and yet still distinctly human.

He continued to watch in the mirror, watch the Engineer's face contort in wonder and excitement, watch the Engineer's body twist and flex as he moved different muscles. God, how he envied the other man. Perhaps not to the point of wanting to keep this body as his own, but there was something…good, _pleasant_ about the Engineer's framework that the Spy found ever-so-appealing.

"Ah, qui se sent belle..." Spy sighed and dropped his hands from the mirror. After one last, thoughtful gaze in the mirror, he went about his nightly routine-washing and brushing and all of those habitual things-before laying down in a bed that seemed much too large for him now. The Spy crossed his hands behind his head and simply lay staring at the ceiling, thinking of nothing in particular. As strange as his current situation was, the Frenchman couldn't really find it in himself to let it bother him. He'd always had a level head in combat, after all, and it would only make sense that his laid-back demeanor would transfer into whatever form the faulty Respawn system saw fit to drop him in. He lay considering this fact, but was interrupted by a knock at the door.

The Spy paused, and listened. He thought it might have been his imagination, but no, there it was again, a soft, yet definite knock at the door. Spy scowled and stayed still, hoping that whoever it was would just go the hell away. Why one earth was anyone bothering him at this hour, anyways?

"Ah, Spah? You awake partner?" The sound of his own voice drifted through the door's thin wood, and Spy relaxed. So it was only the Engineer.

"Oui…yes. What is it zat you want?" He quickly pulled on the Engineer's boxers, as they were the only ones that would fit him right now, and made his way over to the door. Opening it a crack revealed the other man standing there, looking like a bit worse for wear and wringing his hands together anxiously. He had put the balaclava back on, but it was a quick, lopsided job. Spy had to stifle a snort of laughter at the sight he made.

"Well, ta be honest, mah bed ain't long enough. Ah can't sleep a wink and mah back is achin' somethin fierce from tryin ta curl up. Ah," He paused and gave the Spy a bashful look, then continued, "Well, Ah was wonderin if'n ya might have a little extra space fer the night?" Spy noted the strain in his voice, and watched as the Engineer's face-well, _his_ face-flickered through different emotions like a radio changing stations. He smiled. Well this would definitely make his night more interesting.

"Of course, of course. Zat is to say, if you do not mind sharing a bed wiz one such as me?" He gave the taller body a smile and held the door open a bit more, inviting him in with as much grace as this stout body would allow.

"Naw, Ah ain't got no problems with it." The Engineer tugged agitatedly at his oversized shirt and sat down on the bed, his hands trying to keep themselves occupied, as if he didn't know what to do with all of this new length. "Juss no funny business, ya hear?" He gave the man in his body a fierce stare and pointed a finger at him.

Spy chuckled and closed the door, chuckling. He made his way over to the bed, sat next to the suspicious Engineer and gave him a winning smile with the man's own face.

"Funny business? You wound me! I would never participate in zis 'funny business' you speak of." He smiled sweetly and scooted towards the wall on his significantly larger bed, and held open the blankets in invitation. Engineer hesitated, just for a moment, then removed that damned itchy mask and got into bed with the other man, fully intent on getting a good night's sleep so they could fix this mess in the morning.

Spy, grinned cheekily and scooted in close to the other man, who gave an annoyed grunt in return, and tried to get as close to the edge of the bed as humanly possible. Spy moved himself closer again, spooning contentedly against the lanky back before him. Engie rolled his eyes and wondered if this was a good idea, after all. His back felt better, and his feet weren't hanging off of the bed, but honestly?

Spy was obnoxious.

* * *

><p>AN 2: The fact that they are in bed together does not herald sex. Just saying.

This is the PG13 version of this story, after all. And hey, see that handy little review button down there? A kitten gets wings every time you press that button. Kittens. With wings. Again, just saying.


End file.
